


Brain Bubbles

by VioletTeaTime



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Dissociation, Hartley Rathaway Needs a Hug, Hartley-Centric, M/M, Overstimulation, cisco ramon is a good boyfriend, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:20:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24530686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VioletTeaTime/pseuds/VioletTeaTime
Summary: It's like a string is connected to the back of his head, pulling him back at every chance.-hartley has a hard day.
Relationships: Cisco Ramon/Hartley Rathaway
Comments: 8
Kudos: 46





	Brain Bubbles

**Author's Note:**

> this is nothing but a vent fic to keep me busy while im having a little mental stress day thingy. i connect a lot to hartley and i just needed to write my feelings out. that being said, this is not beta'd. i'll edit it eventually but like... this is just for my sake, right now.  
> i dont write in present tense ever but,,, fuck it  
> this was written in about 45 minutes so its not amazing

Hartley often wonders if life would be easier if he was stupid. Stupid people always seem to live happy lives, unaware of the world moving around them, passing them by completely. He feels stupid at times as well.

He feels stupid on days like today, where he wakes up and feels as though his body is formed against the mattress with no hope of ever getting up. He wakes up feeling uncomfortably hot, like he needs to peel his skin off and air it out. He catches himself scratching at the moles on his chest, dry skin under his nails, pink lines leaving their mark when his brain catches up with his body. 

He doesn't put his glasses on, preferring to live in a blurry world to match his brain. Cisco has left the bed, and Hartley stretches his hands over the slightly pilled fabric of their bed spread. He curses his ears, the birds chirping outside contrasting greatly to the episode of Sword Art Online Cisco is playing in the kitchen. It makes him want to throw up, and he presses down on the soft spot of his stomach for a second.

Hartley knows from this moment that this will be the day he has. It takes him a long time to gather the courage to sit up, his brain feeling too heavy for his neck to hold up. His hand finds the carpet on the floor, searching for the shirt he wore the previous day. He tugs it on, the cotton feeling like a hug from all directions. 

-

It's half an hour later when Hartley leaves the bedroom. For a long moment, longer, he's sure, than it seems, he stares at the wall. He processes how his body feels, how his lungs rattle in his chest. His head feels so full and so empty, and he focuses on his breathing as he runs his hand over one of Cisco's plush toys, the soft fur of the Pikachu plushie grounding. 

Cisco turns the television down as Hartley walks in, feeling like a dead thing walking. He stops in the doorway, just looking in, not knowing what to do, where to turn. Hesitantly, Cisco stands up. They've been together long enough that he knows about Hartley's days.

"Hey, freckles." His voice is soft, and Hartley wants to hole up inside of Cisco's chest, enveloped in the sound. Hartley makes a sound in the back of his throat, not prepared to make actual words just yet. His mouth feels dry and loose, like vowels won't form. Cisco seems to understand, the shorter man crossing over to Hartley for just long enough to stroke his cheek before going to the kitchen.

He leans against the wall, reveling in its cool touch as Cisco busies himself, pouring Hartley a plastic cup of water. He presses it against Hartley's hand.

"Drink, Hart." Hartley obeys. The shorter man turns their electric kettle on, the only kettle Hartley can handle the sound of, and reaches up on his tip toes to get one of Hartley's anxiety mix tea bags. 

"Paco?" Cisco turns to him, doe eyes soft.

"Yeah?"

"Can we go out later? And just walk?" Hartley finds the motion of walking nice. He used to walk alone with a pair of headphones on, ignoring the world around him. Now that he has Cisco, they walk together. Hartley will put his deafeners in and they'll wander the streets of the city, no destination in mind. 

"Of course." Hartley feels like a child for asking, for needing to have someone go with him, but he doesn't feel like he can be alone right now. He needs Cisco right now.

Cisco has told him that he doesn't need to be ashamed of wanting someone to be there, especially on the days that he's in this head space, Cisco needs Hartley, too. He knows that. Hartley prides himself on his independence, and giving it up because he's in rough shape is never easy for him. 

He's in his own head until Cisco finishes the tea, Hartley's favourite mug steaming on the counter. His partner presses tightly against Hartley, and he lets himself go boneless between the wall and Cisco, wrapping his body against the engineer. 

"I heard that there's a used book store opening up on Fourth, where the old furniture store used to be. That one where we got my Death Star lamp from. Maybe we'll go walk there?" Hartley makes a small noise, affirming the decision.

Hartley has always had a thing about books. They cover every desk he has, novels in every language he speaks within reach at all times. He needs to get lost in a story to escape, sometimes. Cisco criticized him once on how much money he spent on books after they went on a Barnes and Nobel date, and ever since then, he bought used or thrifted books. There was something special about reading a book that had already told its secrets to someone else, opening up again for his humble mind.

-

Three hours later, they're out of the house. He's only put the deafener in his left ear so Cisco can speak into the right ear rather than sign at him. Cisco's ASL had been improving, but he wasn't quite conversational yet. 

Cisco's hand is warm and solid in Hartley's. Cisco feels like the single solid thing he's been around all day, strong and dynamic against the dull and blurry. He's pulled his hair out of his face today so Hartley can read his lips easier if need be, the dark strands having been tightly braided by Hartley's nimble fingers over and over until he was happy with it.

The sun on Hartley's face is a reminder he's alive. His legs feel jittery for the first fifteen minutes they're moving, but he starts to feel the ground under his feet, the feeling of floating disappearing. The streets of Central are busy, but he feels like they are the only true figures, walking in every direction, leaving the stagnicity of the city behind them.

Their lives are strange, always developing and dangerous. Francisco Ramon and Hartley Rathaway. Vibe and Pied Piper. Cisco and Hartley. Paco and Hart. No one else lives like them. Hartley is jealous.

Cisco squeezes his hand every time they pass a dog. They stop on a bridge and watch the water, Hartley's arm wrapped around Cisco's waist. Hartley watches as Cisco asks to pet a dog that's almost as big as him. Cisco sees someone from STAR Labs before the accelerator, and they hide down an alley, playfully bickering as Hartley points out how cute the rats are.

Eventually, they pass a Starbucks. The smell is so strong from outside that Hartley doesn't want to go in, so he closes his eyes in one of the chairs out front as Cisco goes in for their iced coffees. He feels balanced as they walk later, Cisco's warm hand contrasting the cold drink in the other. 

The book shop is quiet, thank God. Only a few scattered patrons mill about, teenage lesbians and old men seem to be the only other customers. He's sure he can hear the piano accompaniment to Bring Him Home from Les Mis over the speakers, which twists his chest around itself. Cisco finds him a copy of The Picture of Dorian Gray that has been scribbled throughout, the paper smudged and stained in parts. Hartley loves it, and pulls a book off a shelf.

" _Toilet Paper_ _Origami_." He chuckles, and Cisco's smile widens.

"Oh my God, we have to put that in the bathroom." Hartley shakes his head, but puts it in the basket Cisco is holding regardless.

"You are aware that Barry will absolutely try to do it?"

"That's the point, duh!" Cisco looks beautiful like this, a goofy grin plastered on his face, pieces of hair starting to fall out of his braid at the sides of his face, complimenting his caramel skin. Cisco is always so alive, even in his darkest moments.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

-

Love doesn't fix things, though. He feels worse again later, the sights and sounds seem to get to him. He has Cisco help him attach the deafener to his cochlear for the walk home, and they stop far less often. Hartley trips over his own feet a few times, only to catch himself, the world starting to shift under his feet again. He feels guilty when he drops Cisco's hand, touch starting to be too much for him.

He gets back into bed the moment they reach the condo, and Cisco texts the rest of the team, letting them know that the speedsters are going to be the only superheroes for the day. Hartley needs his hero at home, he's just too polite to admit it.

Cisco settles into bed beside him, placing a plate between them. Hartley switches between munching on the cucumber and the sliced asian pear Cisco has cut. Hartley's guilty pleasure movie is the 1992 production of Newsies, and they watch it with subtitles running across the bottom of the screen. Hartley has seen it so many times he barely needs them anymore, he knows what each character says, but he doesn't complain when they appear.

He drifts off in the afternoon. His brain seems to set itself straight in that time, and he wakes up in time to make dinner for himself and Cisco, who had also fallen asleep, legs still tangled in the sheets. The Puerto Rican wakes up when Hartley is almost done cooking, the stir fry sizzling in a satisfying way. He feels arms wrap around his waist, and he leans back into the touch.

"Sorry about-"

"Shh."

-

Hartley is not perfect. He's lost, he's broken. He's scared and tired. And that's what makes him human.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading my breakdown  
> tumblr - @violetteatime  
> 


End file.
